Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
