i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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