is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
