Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sex in a hospital.. check
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
