i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i will never coherently bang her
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
