I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
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