Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
