She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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