Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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