my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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