it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
