i jhust puked up my retainher.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
