it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
