I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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