was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
