So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
