It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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