i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize