I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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