what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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