a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
