im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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