I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can't special order awesome
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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