I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
