If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone shit on the floor
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
