I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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