I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
