Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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