C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
