he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
