I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
