apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just high enough for therapy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
