it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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