I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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