what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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