Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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