I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
