I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
