I wanna passion pit in your ass
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize