direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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