Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize