Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
