My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
