if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize