Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
