Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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