All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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