made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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