This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
