so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
