why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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