Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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