Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
