Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
