When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
