The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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