im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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