its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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