Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
