Can Purell be used as lube?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize