Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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