Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize