seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
