Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
