Im at strip club and am horny
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
