if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
