So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
