He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
