I wish I could punch you in the face.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
