Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
