I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
