he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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