epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
