PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
