good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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