I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Drake has all the answers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
