I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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