this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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