I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
