Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
