Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
