Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
