I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
