I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
