I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
