Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He shit in the fireplace
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
